How to Talk to Someone you Suspect is Suicidal

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Published by Maddie Trick

Suicide is one of the leading causes of death in the United States. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, there were 45,979 deaths in 2020 from suicide. The number of individuals who think about or attempt suicide is even higher, making this a very serious public health problem. With these statistics, it is likely that you have or will encounter someone in your life that may be having suicidal thoughts, and it’s important to recognize this and know how to talk to that person.

There are some clues and warning signs of suicidal ideation that you can be on the lookout for, and they come in many forms (i.e. direct verbal cues, indirect verbal clues, behavioral clues, and situational clues). It is important to keep an eye out when it comes to any of the following:

Direct Verbal Clues:

“I’ve decided to kill myself”
“I wish I were dead.”
“I’m going to end it all.”
“If (such and such) happens, I’ll kill myself.”

Indirect Verbal Clues:

“I’m tired of life.”
“My family would be better off without me.”
“I just want out.”
“Soon I won’t be around.”
“Nobody needs me.”

Behavioral Clues:

Relapse into drug or alcohol use after a period of recovery
Making or changing a will
Giving away money or prized possessions.
Stockpiling pills

Situational Clues:

Sudden rejection by a loved one or unwanted separation or divorce
Death of a spouse, child, friend
Diagnosis of terminal illness
Flare up with friends or relatives for no apparent reason
Anticipated loss of financial security

If you have noticed some of the clues mentioned previously, it may be time to check-in with that person. It can be scary to sit down with someone you suspect is having suicidal ideation, but you are there to help someone you care about. Take some time to sit down with them, ask them how they are feeling, and use your active and genuine listening skills. Make sure you can give them your full attention, without interrupting.

Tips for Talking to Someone You Suspect is Suicidal

While you are checking in with the person and start to hear signs of depression, hopelessness, or more of the clues described above, it is time to ask them if they are experiencing suicidal ideation. First and foremost, asking them this question is not going to put the idea into their head. Many people who experience suicidal ideation feel very alone during this time, so asking them may give them the opportunity to talk about it with someone else. It is important not to walk around the question, but to ask it straight up. Some approaches to asking could look like this:

“Do you ever wish you could go to sleep and never wake up?”
“Have you ever wanted to stop living?”
“Have you thought about suicide?”

Now that you have asked the question, if they respond yes (or you suspect some of their answers are yes), it is time to take action. Getting the person you’re concerned about to get help is going to be the goal. Saying things like the following can be helpful for this:

“Will you let me help you make an appointment with…(a counselor, psychologist, etc.)?”
“Will you promise me…?”

People who are experiencing suicidal ideation may be resistant to seeking help. A way to meet this resistance is by telling the person that you do want them to live and want to help them find help.

Although this conversation may be uncomfortable, you should definitely not avoid talking about it. This conversation could save their life. It is important to not rush to judgment of condemnation though, just be there to listen and guide them in the direction of getting help.

There are often a lot of thoughts and feelings surrounding knowing or suspecting someone you care about is experiencing suicidal ideation or is suicidal. It is important to make sure you are taking care of yourself during this time too. It can be mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausting to go through this process. Don’t take that lightly, and seek help from a counselor if needed.